You know our memories are amazing things, they can hold tremendous amounts of information … ranging from useless and trivial, to important and critical, and everything in between. Recently, a co-worker and I were in a conference room waiting for a meeting to start. We were talking about the upcoming holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas and how excited she was that she and her husband were busy with their two young boys. Her schedule included traveling and meals and gifts and how important it was for memories to be made, even in the midst of the frenetic pace of life. We migrated to sharing some of our own childhood memories. I shared that I used to help my Mom make sugar cookies in the shapes of bells, holly, Christmas trees, and Santas. These were the kind that, once baked, you would used different colored frosting to decorate them. The frosting colors would include red, green, yellow, and white and were the results of making your frosting from scratch. Often times, they would have the accents of candy sparklies or silver balls for the tree ornaments. Ah, fond memories and the cookies tasted pretty good too! Then, I commented how I regreted not creating similar memories surrounding Christmas with my own children. A short time later, in a men's group, I shared that though I may regret missed opportunities, I don't have to miss them in my future. I'm redoubling my efforts to make memories with my loved ones.
I believe that memories are alive and active. I believe they can even morph into something that wasn't real or even pertinent to the original occurance. So, viewing memories from an old math metaphor, let's see how the effects of memories can be "multiplied", "divided", "subtracted", or "added" to us as an individual.
Memories can "multiply" and may affect not only me as an individual, but several people at once. They not only take on the flavor of the individual as they're shared and passed on, but, they also can multiply our own joy and pleasure of original involvement each time we share them. In recent years, I've come to discover a certain type of relationship I had experienced years ago - I'll refer to it as a Jonathan / David relationship. It was a very close relationship, but not immoral or untoward in anyway. I received such an emotional and spiritual investment into my life that I felt had little to offer in return except being a "friend". At times, when I relate memories of that relationship, it brings a tremendous blessing to me. Yet, because it no longer exists with that person, it leaves something of a void as well. I am believing that I will have another relationship of its kind, which will multiply my sense of being a positive investment in another person's life. Today, I'm thinking multiplying memories can only be a positive influence upon the individual and those with which they're shared. However, it wasn't always so.
Memories can "divide" lives, which if carried to it's full extent, can separate people for a lifetime. It seems this has got to be the worst aspect of memories - with the loss or pain or bitterness that is often associated with them. They even can change how we relate to others. However, I believe even memories which divide can have a positive impact upon a person. Back to my Jonathan / David relationship I've mentioned above … though it was a multiplying relationship for many years, the last year or so before it was broken was especially hard for me. It resulted in hurts and injuries that, if left alone, could mar a person for life. I've been on a journey for the last seven years and God has shown me many things about that time in my life. Think of one component of division: the dividend. The dividend is, by one definition, a share of anything divided. So, out of my last Jonathan / David relationship, I walked away with a dividend, my share of that relationship. I've grown to a level of forgiveness that I've never known before. I've been blessed with the cognizance of what true grace and mercy are about. It's with the same grace and mercy God shows me through Jesus, that I've been able to manifest grace and mercy towards others. So, memories which cause division can actually be turned for good. I can choose to do anything I want with my share of a divided relationship. My choice? To invest that dividend in another relationship to make more memories!!
Memories can "subtract" from a life experience. For example, what I consider important as a memory, isn't so for another person. We see each other again, we relate those shared memories, when, all of a sudden, it's discovered that we don't remember the event the same way (sometimes, not even at all)! Is that bad? I don't think so, we've only discovered that a shared memory isn't the same as we once thought. But that subtraction could be an opportunity for growing. You see, when you subtract one item from another, it's with the intention of discovering the difference. We all view things from a different perspective or paradigm. When viewing a fall landscape, you may see the details of the leaves and all their color. I may see the vastness of the terrain and variety of plants. When memories are shared, we can learn to appreciate the difference and value it as much as our own recollection. Just because something is different, doesn't make it wrong.
Memories can "add" something to us as well - to overstate the obvious. In the Christmas cookies memory, what I'm thinking is perhaps my Mom didn't realize that she was making memories. Yet, they have become something so treasured by me that my value of those memories is higher than what she could have considered possible. A memory can never be reproduced in exactness - otherwise, it lessens in value when mass produced. I will never be able to recreate that childhood memory, which brought so much joy to me, with my children. I have to endeavor to make new and different opportunities. In making memories with my family, I have to afford them the option of remembering different things and placing different value on them. Whatever adds to their life as we shared is what's most important to me. Not for the sake of adding, but for the sake of sharing and creating memories in two lives in what seems so brief a moment in time.
It has been said "We do not remember days, we remember moments.", so, I'm choosing to make memorable moments. I expect they will be varied in quantity, quality, and value by the holder … but, maybe that's where the "old math" doesn't add up anymore, eh? Blessings!!
